Music Slangin': Let's Have a Good Time

My inclination as far as EDM goes is that I'd like to do maybe a once or twice a month DJ gig. Problem one is that I would have to DJ a club where I am not going to get hurt, and one of the nicknames for Dayton is "Dodge City." Dayton is not pleasant, but I'll still reprazent Dayton. I've got some Dayton material that will be real funny to hit, but let me just talk about the DJ business for starters.

First off, if I had my druthers I'd run my style, geeza-style electro and fast breaks, and I'd probably go by the handle DJ Invid. There are a couple of problems. People dig geeza - they do - but the intensity and the "queerness," is going to have a club filled with about 5 hardcore fans, and I wouldn't get a single durned gig. I'm not sure what I'd do as far as a "light handle," but I've started putting some records together, and I've got a general plan.

Another thing to keep in mind if you decide to try to DJ is that even the queens don't dig all-sausage parties except on special occasions. (Like Night at the Roxie!) You need to play some music that will keep the ladies in the room, and then the ladies will also hang around because it isn't that they don't dig the masculine stuff - women are not fools by and large - it's just that they want to hear some sweet songs. The other thing is that the guys won't say much, but they like sweet songs too, especially since it keeps the ladies in the room, but also because it's nice to feel sweet sometimes, even for straight guys more macho than I am.

For people looking around, Alicia Keyes, Aaliyah, Destiny's Child, Whitney Houston, these are ladies' types of artists. Good luck getting the LP's of any of those artists, but even though running tables is always better, even now that the best turntables are digital, practical issues will probably force you to run a CD outfit or an mp3 player outfit because of the lack of access to the right LP's.

Anyone who doesn't understand that practicality is an issue with anything can walk out of my show. Go to the proverbial special place of torment. I'll have an audience left, and you'll need 50 extra cents to call someone who cares because the price of a pay-phone has gone up considerably over the past few years in the states.

The thing is that if you can get gigs like that, which are great fun, where you spin just a little serious material and spin the rest as a party, you can get a specialty gig once in a while where people will come to hear your own material. Thing is, you better at least pass the show, because if you blow a specialty gig like that, then you've blown the reputation of your best material. You may not have a great night, but it better at least go off with some accuracy.

The other thing is that I've got a short stack of records at the moment, but if I'm even going to run a party type of gig, I'll need - let's say - 4000 dollars of equipment. If I want to run my own material, I'll need double that - at least - especially if I'm going to produce and mix my own DNB music. That kind of money is not in the cards right now, but I get to thinking - one of these days - and that might be real, who knows? Life ain't fair, and I just put a foot in front of the other one every day. That "one day at a time"-stuff from the 12-steppers has some reality to it.

The other thing is, even disregarding the real material I want to run, you have got to practice. I've got a few records I can run, and that alone means that I have to run cues back and forth between an mp3 player and the records, and it takes a bit to figure out how to cut cues right. Also, if I could get a good kitbag together, it is a real nice touch to run segues between your cues, even at a party type show. It just shows you've put a bit more effort into the show, and also, the show flows a bit smoother.

So that is the basics with that. Alright, so let us discuss geography. When it comes to folk type musics, and EDM is a sort of folk music in a way, geography has always been hugely important. The Motown sound was not Philly R&B, and West Coast Hip-Hop is not Brooklyn Hip-Hop. Taking Detroit as an example for contrast, I was up in Detroit visiting some guys that were doing a Detroit-sound of electro, and I really was stunned. They were not in the worst area of Detroit, but I was hoping the car had armored shielding on it as we worked our way through going to a Thai restaurant, hitting the Dunkin' for a coffee, and hitting an AA meeting.

Detroit as a city would be summed up with the phrase, "survival of the fittest," in my opinion. You have just got to be nails to live through that place for even a few years, and these guys were running Detroit clean, at least at the time. Drugs aren't wholly evil, but I would like to think a few of those guys are still managing to run Detroit clean. They were really good guys.

If we were to sum up our dear Dodge City, it would be, "the craziest krewes on the planet." No one is crazier than any Daytonite, and if someone is from Dayton and won't admit to being crazy, then don't trust them for a minute. We are crazy like foxes, but we are nuts. No one can touch Dodge City when it comes to being ill and being hard at being ill. That is the frame for Dodge City. It is a source of pride, and that may not seem to make sense, but Dayton is my trash-heap and my lunatic asylum, and I'll probably never walk out of here.

So D10 REPRAZENT! Another funny story. I used to go to Suicide Girls. I'm not tattooed and pierced, but I liked a few of the models at the site, and at the time, you could go back and forth with the girls if they'd put up with you. You weren't supposed to "hooks-up," with a girl, that was an unwritten rule of the site that some people couldn't seem to make out, but if a girl liked you she would repeatedly castrate you via your blog or pm and let you mock her back, and also, the galleries were softcore stuff, instead of the usual rapine that drives me near to vomit every time I make a bad click.

The site is ruined, but it was a shining moment in 'Net history. Part of the site was that you would meet and greet with local members, and other than one or two scumbags, we used to have a real heck of a time. I always had to leave early to avoid unintended inebriation, but it was so much fun. The thing was, SG Dayton wasn't big, and so we usually hung with SG Cincinnati or SG Columbus. Cincinnati and Columbus have their own ethos.

However, SGCincy' and SGColumbo' were stunned at how gosh-durned crazy the Dayton members were. They all said it, "Other than the one or two scum they're some of the best people ever, but how can anybody be so crazy! - every durned one of them!" Also, I was going by my foxgemini handle at the time, and they all said, even though I was not doing close to as well as I am now, "We love us some foxy," but also, "foxy is the craziest person we know from Dayton."

Also, there are other Geeza styles in other geographies, but you don't just walk off with the Geeza in D10. Think of it this way, Geeza styles are known all over the states as either the most ill or close to the most ill proper-styles, and we in D10 are the illest on the globe. Remember, when ill is a compliment, it means you're smart, it means you're hard, but it still means that you're a good candidate for a loony-bin. Ill is ill, even when it's a good thang! And dat' is dat'!

There are other D10 jokes. One of the things about D10 is that if D10 is a fit, you can never leave the place. I know person after person who was a true Daytonian who went and made big g's in NYC or loved the weather and the mountains in Colorado, only to show back up in the garbage heap for no apparent reason a few short years later. The maximum leave I've ever seen is about 4 years outside of what I sometimes call "the Maelstrom."

Almost no one converts to D10, and the rare person that does is stuck in this heap forever just like the rest of us. That is Dodge City. I don't want to be overly mystical, but I've seen these patterns over and over with D10'ians.

So that is the home town. The craziest, illest n's on the planet. I'm not a fan of the BIG N word, but I'm using it in a proper place I think. You be the judge.

Another joke about D10. D10 at one time had a real happening funk music scene. Actually, funk groups are still pretty popular in D10, especially considering you'd hardly ever hear a funk band anywhere else in the country today. One of the best groups in Dayton was the Ohio Players. I've met their original drummer, and he was an amazing guy. A gold record, a great hand on the snare, and one suggestion, "don't go near a pen without paying an entertainment lawyer."

So there was a book that came out about the D10 funk scene - guess the name? - "There Was Something in the Water." There still is! LOL! Trust me, it isn't all doom and gloom, but you need a certain mentality not to get crushed in the Maelstrom. Most people show up in D10 on the run from something, take a look down the first street and decide to go run somewhere else. D10 is just not most people's kind of town. Even when people are on the run, one look at the real D10 and most people take off like a mad jack-rabbit.

Okay, I'm hitting the Orange Wedge right now, not the tablet form, the mp3 form, and I'm going to kick back a minute and see if there might be anything fun to say next. Look, I have severe depression, and I get down and I get enraged, but I am not a sour-face or a bitter-face as a general rule. Think of this though, when I was hanging with the SG-krewe, people enjoyed me, even though I wasn't getting tanked, (actually it's better if I don't, trust me, Gwyd Dahmer is the right descriptor) and even as crazy and ill as I am, and no one loves a sour-face or a bitter-face. And, I was fatter than a house at the time and some of the best models on SG used to downright flirt with me - repeatedly - but only if they made sure and castrated me first. I guess it is a safer bet to flirt with foxy if he has no nuts. Ah, the good ole days.

I'll be back. Let me think of something else funny I might add to the blog next, and then we might hit the ELM.